Soldiers are the few remaining members of the British infantry forces that have lived into the present day of We Happy Few, making up a unified infantry regiment called "The Home Guard". They function as a cross between Wellies in health and Bobbies in damage output due to their rather low durability, lethal Lee-Enfield bayonets, and their tendency to throw bangers at foes they cannot bayonet charge instead of rocks. Being around forty to fifty years of age, all soldiers move at a much slower speed then the player, no matter which character they are playing as, meaning they are easy to escape if one flees and finds a hiding spot quickly enough.
From dialogue between the troops, it is clear that they desperately pine for the possibility of a third World War occurring, so that they can finally fight the germans once more and restore pride in their nation. When a sneaking character is discovered, they will ecstatically rant and rave about how "ITS STARTING!" and proclaim said character to be a German infiltrator, suggesting that Joy may be having an even more terribly detrimental effect on their minds then both the Bobbies' and the Wellies'. They can only be found in their Home Guard camp built around the German's "Tank Division", led by General Byng.